Urban Decay

The Stigmata, The Tourniquet, Years of Urban Decay, Where Was I to know ?
"Mars is high, this will give your relationship lot of trouble, you'll fight with your spouse a lot.", well the astrologer did get it spot on. Then again the question is, where was i to know ?

We've all at one point or another been witness to public spats, just when you are about to dig into a pizza full of cheese peacefully, you over hear "Please don't make a scene here". At times you stare at people with the most sour faces sitting at a Coffee shop pondering how much of silence will it take to make the other person kill himself with a caffeine overdose. However there are the people who walk away silently from each other, people who have spent the best times with each other and now know that things have gone turtle.

I've known two such people personally, the best of friends, people who finished off each others sentences and if necessary food as well. I saw each of them initially believe that they are blessed, then think that they are not blessed but like every other couple and then finally I saw them make an unspoken sacrifice unlike any I've seen before. As I was thinking about the day they walked away from each other, someone spoke up "God, the way they fought, such horrible stuff ! And you should've seen the way they ended things". "Would've put cats and dogs to shame", said another one, I could only smile and ponder.

I pondered at what was unfolding in front of me, two people who knew that the "good" part was behind them and what ever was left, couldn't turn into something more. The guy wearing a cloak of cold aloofness to hide his helplessness, he didn't let his eyes speak nor let his words betray his plight. The girl torn inbetween between truths about herself, on her knees not knowing which truth to accept and which to shun, she killed her passion bit by bit only to convince herself that there is no more in her. They chose not to speak, not to see, not to hear each other and let the world around call it "ego","anger","insecurity","two people with ego's bigger than there feelings".

I stood helpless while the two people were castigated because they were outcasts,now suffering because they hadn't listened, the "i told you so" and "if i were you" chanted in unison.

I asked the guy, "how do you do it ? remain so unaffected by it all."

"The moments we have spent together are like a pitcher full of water for the thirsty man dying in a desert. Ask me not, to pay heed to this world, I can give up my life, I can give her up but ask me not to give up her memories", came his reply. A day later, I was about to ask her the same question, She kept on looking blankly at her work screen only to smile for the most infinitesimal moment. Obviously she was reminiscing about a bright moment, In the very next second her face returned to that blank look as she scribbled "I CAN'T" on her notepad.

As I pictured them both laughing together somewhere in the past, I realized that I may want to know, what happened, what helps them survive, how can they be so selfish and yet selfless, however maybe I can never know, not unless one day I learn to scribble "I CAN'T".