Kishore da once sang "Kagazon ki kashtiyon ka kahin kinara hota nahi",his choice of words to describe certain people and their fate is worth pondering a life time away. Similary the song "aye dil-e-nadaan" has the most haunting lyrics - "hum bhatakte hai, kyon bhatakte hai
dasht-o-sehra main, aisa lagta hai mauj pyasi hai, apni dariya mein".
Recently both the songs caught my thoughts in mid flight, both the songs talk about the most primitive instinct of us human beings. Wanderlust - a strong or innate desire to rove about.
What is that one things that makes us miss our childhood so much, what is that makes us feel so refreshed when we visit a new place even if for a day, why do we feel stagnated of our "settled" lives all of a sudden when we hit a random age beyond 30.
Last year on my birthday I was in pune all alone, I hadn't ever been to the city so the only choice I had was to explore it on my own. I chose to do something I had done often before, I packed a backpack with a couple of sandwiches from subway, cans of coke and headed towards the city. After a windy autoride, I was at mall road, the market had shades of old and new. Reminded me of CP in a way, there were some places that looked as old as they could be and some looked fresh out of a bursting economy, there were the chachas in the market and the mr.showroom owners. Some selling bags, some jwellery, some shoes, some snobbery.
However this was obviously the heart, the families which believed in the good old times headed to mall road on all occasions, it was something they could relate to more as compared to the urbanized glass cages called "malls".
Time was running out, I headed for deccan, the honest automan chose not to rip me off and I was thankful for the cheap ride. The deccan is the college crowd area, lots of open air cafes where young students plan everything from fresher parties to wedding dates once they complete their graduation. I roamed around like the primitive man just enjoying the "roam", at times I nibbled on the sandwich and gulped some coke. The deccan is different, it was youth city, if mall road was the heart then deccan was the spirit of youth.
I finished the day with a movie at a nearby mall, pizza from dominoes and vada-pau at a thela. I had missed visiting a couple of places from what my friends tell me, however that didn't matter much, my wanderlust was satisfied. Last year was filled with four to five trips, a number of friends showed the same patterns of wanting to wander, whether wandering between places, people or situations all of them wanted to wander.
Humans wander, there is no other truth. Our strife and struggle begins when we want that illusive "stability" just to feel a certain kind of "happy". And then when 35 happens, we have that "crisis" about when, what, where all this is going not realising that we are just like a small kid running around in a DTC bus. The kid thinks he's moving or just sitting, but the bus is taking it's own route.
Sure we've evolved, and sure we've come a long way, sure we roam a lot less only because there's less to roam about but we still secretly prefer being a explorer, a nomad, an adventurer.
Tuesday, 9 March 2010
Sunday, 7 March 2010
The Midnight Hour
Nishachar, Nightcrawler or a Nocturnal Adventurer, how shall I describe you ?
Night, that certain period of time that symbolizes the unknown and mysterious, often co-related with darkness, occult, sub-conscious, depression, sleep, endings and of course death. As a kid I used to be scared of the dark and to a certain degree scared of night time as well. It involved giving up of your consciousness, a period of time when you let your sense sleep, undoubtedly making you the most vulnerable for those eight nine hours of slumber. The sharpest of minds and strongest of muscles rendered useless leaving only your instinct awake.
Last night as I sat with a couple of my friends on the side walks of a metropolitan lifestyle,I was back to my thoughts of childhood. I looked at the sky above to be sure it was dark, dark enough to bring back that scary feeling that night has fallen and it's time to rush home. I stared for a complete minute only to realize that it is only a shade lighter than bottle full of chelpark ink.
The month of march blew a cool breeze, while we talked about the funniest nonsensical things we ever could. We saw people walking in a hurried manner to be at places they feel they need to be when night falls, some catching autos and some heading to the hottest nightclubs or just for a quite dinner in a "family" restaurant.
Amongst the sprinkles of humanity we three sat there staring at the amazing amount of activity which was so continuous that it almost seemed stagnant, sitting there I felt more a part of the city rather than the bustling crowd that lives in it. I felt like a brick in the wall watching people pass by in the darkness of the night, the same night which now evoked thoughts so different from my childhood. I could feel that I had embraced the silence of the night, the deep purple blue of the sky, the stillness of our shadows cast by night lights, the cool wind like a small kid wanting to be friends with us since we wouldn't run away. All I wanted to do was sit under that open sky and stare into the empty nothing, the quietness of the night filled me with life unlike the lifelessness that reigns supreme during the so called "day time" filled with "bustling activity".
Around 10 years back I crossed a certain age barrier that signed off my immaturity as a personality trait and thus turned a complete blind eye to the fact that the age barrier itself might be misplaced. Having crossed the barrier of being a "grown up", the limits of my nocturnal ventures have uniformly increased over time which I believe is the case with everyone. Driving back home late in the night and strolling through the darkness has become a part of me, a part of me that this night accepts unconditionally, like a generous stranger it offers shelter from the trivial trials and tribulations of day to day life.
I drove back home last night and then walked from the parking to my house and all of a sudden I found myself staring into the sky again just to spend a few seconds more in ironically what seemed like the most lively and yet the most peaceful hours of the whole day.
We will all strive for it one day, to spend the night awake and the day sleeping, call it human nature or biological evolution, one day we'll have had enough with the consciousness of day light and then we'll choose to live in the sub-conscious of a dark night.
One day closed eyes will reveal to us more than our eyes have for the last millions years.
Night, that certain period of time that symbolizes the unknown and mysterious, often co-related with darkness, occult, sub-conscious, depression, sleep, endings and of course death. As a kid I used to be scared of the dark and to a certain degree scared of night time as well. It involved giving up of your consciousness, a period of time when you let your sense sleep, undoubtedly making you the most vulnerable for those eight nine hours of slumber. The sharpest of minds and strongest of muscles rendered useless leaving only your instinct awake.
Last night as I sat with a couple of my friends on the side walks of a metropolitan lifestyle,I was back to my thoughts of childhood. I looked at the sky above to be sure it was dark, dark enough to bring back that scary feeling that night has fallen and it's time to rush home. I stared for a complete minute only to realize that it is only a shade lighter than bottle full of chelpark ink.
The month of march blew a cool breeze, while we talked about the funniest nonsensical things we ever could. We saw people walking in a hurried manner to be at places they feel they need to be when night falls, some catching autos and some heading to the hottest nightclubs or just for a quite dinner in a "family" restaurant.
Amongst the sprinkles of humanity we three sat there staring at the amazing amount of activity which was so continuous that it almost seemed stagnant, sitting there I felt more a part of the city rather than the bustling crowd that lives in it. I felt like a brick in the wall watching people pass by in the darkness of the night, the same night which now evoked thoughts so different from my childhood. I could feel that I had embraced the silence of the night, the deep purple blue of the sky, the stillness of our shadows cast by night lights, the cool wind like a small kid wanting to be friends with us since we wouldn't run away. All I wanted to do was sit under that open sky and stare into the empty nothing, the quietness of the night filled me with life unlike the lifelessness that reigns supreme during the so called "day time" filled with "bustling activity".
Around 10 years back I crossed a certain age barrier that signed off my immaturity as a personality trait and thus turned a complete blind eye to the fact that the age barrier itself might be misplaced. Having crossed the barrier of being a "grown up", the limits of my nocturnal ventures have uniformly increased over time which I believe is the case with everyone. Driving back home late in the night and strolling through the darkness has become a part of me, a part of me that this night accepts unconditionally, like a generous stranger it offers shelter from the trivial trials and tribulations of day to day life.
I drove back home last night and then walked from the parking to my house and all of a sudden I found myself staring into the sky again just to spend a few seconds more in ironically what seemed like the most lively and yet the most peaceful hours of the whole day.
We will all strive for it one day, to spend the night awake and the day sleeping, call it human nature or biological evolution, one day we'll have had enough with the consciousness of day light and then we'll choose to live in the sub-conscious of a dark night.
One day closed eyes will reveal to us more than our eyes have for the last millions years.
Tuesday, 29 December 2009
The Infinitesimal Eternity of A Year
After acute laziness and an amazing amount of cribbing about how unfair is life, I've decided to come back to this medium which serves best as a drawing board for my thoughts. The comeback has been triggered by a Seema Goswami article, a 15 days leave from office and Dr.Alban's insistence that "It's my life".
2009 is coming to an end and let's see how it has set the tone for the next decade, So here it is in words.
1) Two of my closest friends have gotten married this year and 3 more will pretty soon in the next year, thus making me ever so conscious about my single status, hey so which one is a better site shaadi.com or indiamatrimony.com, aaah!!! who cares ! ? I wish them the best and all my single friends I suggest we start a new facebook or orkut community called "Single and loving it".
2) It's a been year of travel, starting with Rishikesh, Mussori, Jaipur,Manali and then Chael, The random trips have helped me make a number of keen observations on travel, tourism and group dynamics. It's been an experience travelling with the kind of people I have, The GPS Dude, Reporter Chick, Joey, MetalHead, Actor Boy,Prodigy Freak and The 377 Sisters, all of them have been intense. I hope more names get added to both the lists of places and people. So where to people, beaches this time ??
3) Returning to my roots, this year I've made it a point to take time out to visit IIC more frequently, It's been my temple of Inspiration and an evergreen tree for me. Looks like it will remain to be so.
4) A karmic lesson of patience and practicality has been thrust upon me throughout the year, for someone who has always believed that efforts brings result, it's been a year of waiting for me. Patience has been my lesson and I hope to use it best in the time to come. I've realized that in any success story, patience is undermined and a lot is attributed to determination, ambition etc. However patience holds the key, A blacksmiths patience is what is required at times to bend the iron of life into what you want. So strike I shall when the time is right.
5) I started this blog this year and I hope that I write more and better with every effort !!!!!
2009 is coming to an end and let's see how it has set the tone for the next decade, So here it is in words.
1) Two of my closest friends have gotten married this year and 3 more will pretty soon in the next year, thus making me ever so conscious about my single status, hey so which one is a better site shaadi.com or indiamatrimony.com, aaah!!! who cares ! ? I wish them the best and all my single friends I suggest we start a new facebook or orkut community called "Single and loving it".
2) It's a been year of travel, starting with Rishikesh, Mussori, Jaipur,Manali and then Chael, The random trips have helped me make a number of keen observations on travel, tourism and group dynamics. It's been an experience travelling with the kind of people I have, The GPS Dude, Reporter Chick, Joey, MetalHead, Actor Boy,Prodigy Freak and The 377 Sisters, all of them have been intense. I hope more names get added to both the lists of places and people. So where to people, beaches this time ??
3) Returning to my roots, this year I've made it a point to take time out to visit IIC more frequently, It's been my temple of Inspiration and an evergreen tree for me. Looks like it will remain to be so.
4) A karmic lesson of patience and practicality has been thrust upon me throughout the year, for someone who has always believed that efforts brings result, it's been a year of waiting for me. Patience has been my lesson and I hope to use it best in the time to come. I've realized that in any success story, patience is undermined and a lot is attributed to determination, ambition etc. However patience holds the key, A blacksmiths patience is what is required at times to bend the iron of life into what you want. So strike I shall when the time is right.
5) I started this blog this year and I hope that I write more and better with every effort !!!!!
Friday, 13 November 2009
Morality - The Wall behind which we hide
"But she's committed to someone else and here she is..."
Last week has thrown some very interesting incidents at me and I've been forced to question the very foundation of our social construct. I haven't ever been a staunch believer of social conformity however as a man wanting to enjoy rain I've never been hesitant of a few splashes of mud. No matter how much you want to pave your own way and have your own set of beliefs, social conformance always catches up. I've tolerated people who preach exploitation and manipulation in the name of social conformance and morality only so that everyone rots in the same stagnancy in which they themselves rot. I tolerated some of them only because they were born that way and some because you need to have an alternative before you try to replace an existing system.
In a random social gathering I came face to face the very people who personify the "Indian Crab Mentality", they stated "morality" as their cause much like the RSS that vandalizes couples and various outlets on Valentine's Day. I could see them pointing fingers at other people who had made their choices, at people who chose not to hide behind the self-contradictory virtues of our society, people who had a smile on their face knowing that atleast they are being true to themselves, people who had tears for they knew that these bastards preaching morality are just selfish rats who are grinding their axe because they want their pound of flesh.
They questioned around "is this right ? why should they ? we don't approve so why should they ? we don't think it's right!". I could see it in their eyes, sense it in their words, they used a thousand words however were scared to ask the real question in the simplest of words "why him ? why not us ? why do you still want him, we offer you everything our righteousness, our virtues, our honesty. Then why him ?". They simply didn't have the courage to ask the question which would put them in the "hot seat" so the answer they found was "they are corrupt, amoral, wrong".
These people preached morality, called themselves friends and forgot that they own a closet full of skeletons which hasn't been preached morality yet. I couldn't make up my mind whether they were parasites trying hide their true nature behind the veils of morality or are imbeciles desperately seeking social conformance. For a second I felt pity for their judgemental handicap, incapable of deciding what's right or wrong they turned to social preaching to live their lives. With time my pity had turned into outrage, I felt disgusted at the realization that these were people who were the real corruption. They were the ones who were amoral not because they hid themselve from the world but because they hid their own nature from themselves.
I saw them running with knives to butcher people, people like me, who define morality by actions and not merely by words. They dragged innocent bystanders into the whole blood bath, bystanders who simply knew that the truth is stranger than fiction and supported only as much they could. The morality preachers who sleep with prostitutes and visit strip clubs created the messiest of carngage in the name of "what's right", they speak of morality however they will deny their conscience the realization that they are creatures of lust and greed as well.
Going by the social definition of morality, I am not a moral person.
I am not a selfless person, With great pride I declare that I am a selfish person, My love for someone or something is driven by my passion and this passion is an unstoppable force, no preachers, no social construct and no human can stop it. I don't make sacrifices for others, I make them for myself because only a person who's selfish and strong has the power of choice.
I will support similar people around me only because they have the guts to live in reality rather than walk through their lives on quoting euphisms and moral lectures like brain washed zombies.
"I make my choices by being true to myself and I will not blame others for my mistakes", for me this is morality.
For all the preachers out there...
You go preach morality to the skeletons in your closet, I'd rather be the man who sold the world.
Last week has thrown some very interesting incidents at me and I've been forced to question the very foundation of our social construct. I haven't ever been a staunch believer of social conformity however as a man wanting to enjoy rain I've never been hesitant of a few splashes of mud. No matter how much you want to pave your own way and have your own set of beliefs, social conformance always catches up. I've tolerated people who preach exploitation and manipulation in the name of social conformance and morality only so that everyone rots in the same stagnancy in which they themselves rot. I tolerated some of them only because they were born that way and some because you need to have an alternative before you try to replace an existing system.
In a random social gathering I came face to face the very people who personify the "Indian Crab Mentality", they stated "morality" as their cause much like the RSS that vandalizes couples and various outlets on Valentine's Day. I could see them pointing fingers at other people who had made their choices, at people who chose not to hide behind the self-contradictory virtues of our society, people who had a smile on their face knowing that atleast they are being true to themselves, people who had tears for they knew that these bastards preaching morality are just selfish rats who are grinding their axe because they want their pound of flesh.
They questioned around "is this right ? why should they ? we don't approve so why should they ? we don't think it's right!". I could see it in their eyes, sense it in their words, they used a thousand words however were scared to ask the real question in the simplest of words "why him ? why not us ? why do you still want him, we offer you everything our righteousness, our virtues, our honesty. Then why him ?". They simply didn't have the courage to ask the question which would put them in the "hot seat" so the answer they found was "they are corrupt, amoral, wrong".
These people preached morality, called themselves friends and forgot that they own a closet full of skeletons which hasn't been preached morality yet. I couldn't make up my mind whether they were parasites trying hide their true nature behind the veils of morality or are imbeciles desperately seeking social conformance. For a second I felt pity for their judgemental handicap, incapable of deciding what's right or wrong they turned to social preaching to live their lives. With time my pity had turned into outrage, I felt disgusted at the realization that these were people who were the real corruption. They were the ones who were amoral not because they hid themselve from the world but because they hid their own nature from themselves.
I saw them running with knives to butcher people, people like me, who define morality by actions and not merely by words. They dragged innocent bystanders into the whole blood bath, bystanders who simply knew that the truth is stranger than fiction and supported only as much they could. The morality preachers who sleep with prostitutes and visit strip clubs created the messiest of carngage in the name of "what's right", they speak of morality however they will deny their conscience the realization that they are creatures of lust and greed as well.
Going by the social definition of morality, I am not a moral person.
I am not a selfless person, With great pride I declare that I am a selfish person, My love for someone or something is driven by my passion and this passion is an unstoppable force, no preachers, no social construct and no human can stop it. I don't make sacrifices for others, I make them for myself because only a person who's selfish and strong has the power of choice.
I will support similar people around me only because they have the guts to live in reality rather than walk through their lives on quoting euphisms and moral lectures like brain washed zombies.
"I make my choices by being true to myself and I will not blame others for my mistakes", for me this is morality.
For all the preachers out there...
You go preach morality to the skeletons in your closet, I'd rather be the man who sold the world.
Monday, 2 November 2009
Quantum of Shoelace - IV
"Chocolate, Convent, Coffee"
"Oh well all of them are gifts, to uh well, uhhh to my girlfriends", Mammoth is trying hard to make sure it exactly comes the out way it is not supposed to. Pink Laces parsing logic has got all the topics to choose from, she ventures forth, " Uh gifts ? then what are they doing here ??"
"Hmm, well she, umm they couldn't take it home immediately so they left it in my car."
"They ?"
A loud sigh,"Oh well, the bunny belongs to my first girl friend ever, the muffler to the second one and the showpiece and chocolate belongs to the current one.", Wow what an answer ! Any semblance of chance that Mammoth had with this chick is just being burried alive by mr.smooth operator. Shouldn't be too long now MAMC is pretty close by, this torturous "do it yourself - screw your chances tutorial" session should be over any minute. However I don't blame Mammoth for this,must be in his DNA or something. Let's take a moment and go back a decade.
It's high school, 6th standard Mammoth had just entered his preteens and already Chubby Cheeks Betty had taken a fancy to him. She had already dropped him "THE" line, "Do you mind if I sit with you, my partner is absent today and I don't want to sit alone", back then that was the high school equivalent of a pick up line. The request was made for a single day, however Mammoth had the female for company every single day. Till of course our genius boy screwed himself over when he literally coaxed Chubby Cheeks into tieing him a rakhi on rakhi day, that too in school and infront of the whole class. No, Obviously he didn't have incestuous intentions, the boy simply was too innocent for his own good. Still can't forget the look on Betty's face, at times childhood heartbreaks can be harder than being jilted at the altar!
Okay fast foward five more years,Eleventh standard, Mammoth is coming home from his maths tuitions. He has Convent Cool Madonna for company and is walking her home like a chivalrious knight. She drops "THE" line, "Thats my place over there, do you want to come up, maybe talk or something ?", Okay now there is a bit of a story to this.
Madonna had already described a tear jerker situation during the class about how her grand dad was having a surgery and how the mood was really serious at her place. However she still drops the line CCMadonna wants to check Mammoth's cool quotient and also whether he was listening or not. You can't really blame Madonna here after all the were seventeen, the age when girls start using their brains to get a guy and the guys start using testosterone for everything.
"Yes, sure", Mammoth replies like the insensitive going-gaga-over-new-girl male.
"Ok, but I think it's a bit of a serious mood at my place, maybe sometime later ?", Madonna has him figured out already and out the back door exit!
Once again I think it's DNA and nothing else, fast forward a few more years, and Pink Laces is putting up with the worst show of testorsterone dosage gone wrong.
"So, like if they belong to your ex-girlfriends, will they ever get them ?", Pink Laces wants to have her fun.
"Not really."
"Then why keep them ?"
"Haven't got a chance to throw them away."
"What about the one for your current girl friend ?"
"Well, she'll take it when she gets an opportunity."
"Hope that's before she becomes an ex," Pink laces cracks an obvious insensitive joke, aren't they just made for each other.
"That's possible under one condition only and might just happen pretty soon," Mammoth in action, boy oh boy.
"Really and what is that ?"
"Your college is here, Would you be interested in sharing the possibility over a cup of coffee sometime ?" MAMC is here and Mammoth has timed this one to perfection, the kid has got some talent after all.
"I'm sorry but I'm engaged, thanks for the ride" Pink Laces exits left of stage and disappears through her college gate.
Reverse Gear, First gear, Zero to Sixty in under a minute, Mammoth prepares to audition for "Fast and the Furious 5: The Jilted & The Challaned"
"Hmm, well she, umm they couldn't take it home immediately so they left it in my car."
"They ?"
A loud sigh,"Oh well, the bunny belongs to my first girl friend ever, the muffler to the second one and the showpiece and chocolate belongs to the current one.", Wow what an answer ! Any semblance of chance that Mammoth had with this chick is just being burried alive by mr.smooth operator. Shouldn't be too long now MAMC is pretty close by, this torturous "do it yourself - screw your chances tutorial" session should be over any minute. However I don't blame Mammoth for this,must be in his DNA or something. Let's take a moment and go back a decade.
It's high school, 6th standard Mammoth had just entered his preteens and already Chubby Cheeks Betty had taken a fancy to him. She had already dropped him "THE" line, "Do you mind if I sit with you, my partner is absent today and I don't want to sit alone", back then that was the high school equivalent of a pick up line. The request was made for a single day, however Mammoth had the female for company every single day. Till of course our genius boy screwed himself over when he literally coaxed Chubby Cheeks into tieing him a rakhi on rakhi day, that too in school and infront of the whole class. No, Obviously he didn't have incestuous intentions, the boy simply was too innocent for his own good. Still can't forget the look on Betty's face, at times childhood heartbreaks can be harder than being jilted at the altar!
Okay fast foward five more years,Eleventh standard, Mammoth is coming home from his maths tuitions. He has Convent Cool Madonna for company and is walking her home like a chivalrious knight. She drops "THE" line, "Thats my place over there, do you want to come up, maybe talk or something ?", Okay now there is a bit of a story to this.
Madonna had already described a tear jerker situation during the class about how her grand dad was having a surgery and how the mood was really serious at her place. However she still drops the line CCMadonna wants to check Mammoth's cool quotient and also whether he was listening or not. You can't really blame Madonna here after all the were seventeen, the age when girls start using their brains to get a guy and the guys start using testosterone for everything.
"Yes, sure", Mammoth replies like the insensitive going-gaga-over-new-girl male.
"Ok, but I think it's a bit of a serious mood at my place, maybe sometime later ?", Madonna has him figured out already and out the back door exit!
Once again I think it's DNA and nothing else, fast forward a few more years, and Pink Laces is putting up with the worst show of testorsterone dosage gone wrong.
"So, like if they belong to your ex-girlfriends, will they ever get them ?", Pink Laces wants to have her fun.
"Not really."
"Then why keep them ?"
"Haven't got a chance to throw them away."
"What about the one for your current girl friend ?"
"Well, she'll take it when she gets an opportunity."
"Hope that's before she becomes an ex," Pink laces cracks an obvious insensitive joke, aren't they just made for each other.
"That's possible under one condition only and might just happen pretty soon," Mammoth in action, boy oh boy.
"Really and what is that ?"
"Your college is here, Would you be interested in sharing the possibility over a cup of coffee sometime ?" MAMC is here and Mammoth has timed this one to perfection, the kid has got some talent after all.
"I'm sorry but I'm engaged, thanks for the ride" Pink Laces exits left of stage and disappears through her college gate.
Reverse Gear, First gear, Zero to Sixty in under a minute, Mammoth prepares to audition for "Fast and the Furious 5: The Jilted & The Challaned"
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